Public Defender Number 5
by Windswift
Summary: They wondered how she could be Yuusuke's long lost sister, Kurama's former lover, a Forbidden Child like Hiei, and use Kuwabara's reiken, all at once. [Mary Sue mocking abounds!]


Disclaimer: YuYu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi.

Mary Sue bashing abounds! So if you don't want to read a humorous mocking of this type of character, please leave now.

Email me or leave your email address in a review and tell me if you want to see the fanart for this fic!

…  
Japanese:

Reikai- spirit world  
oni- traditional Japanese ogre-like demons  
yukata- a short summer kimono  
koorime- ice maiden  
reiken- spirit sword  
ototo- little brother  
tantei- detectives  
owari- the end  
…

_**Public Defender #5**_

The dysfunctional team of detectives—unsung heroes of two worlds (and the unsung bane of the third), underappreciated "community service" "volunteers", and unusually uninformed doers of good. Given that the fate of the world was protected by two human teenage punks and two supposedly reformed demon thieves, all led by a toddler ruling Hell, it was generally a wonder the world survived so long.

Despite all of this, they were standing in the Hall of Judgment in Reikai, attempting to find Koenma's office amid a turbulent sea of oni, also wondering what mission could be so important that they were getting prior notice of it. Their boss tended to make a policy of not informing them of missions until trouble found them first.

After Yuusuke had mentioned that he had been paying no attention the first time Botan had escorted him (he had been dead, after all, which would be a distraction even to those with long attention spans), Kurama had taken over leading them. On the plus side, the back halls he used were much less crowded. On the other hand…

"Is it just me, or have we passed at least ten locked, warded, and heavily-guarded treasure rooms? We're starting to get funny looks…"

But obviously, funny looks were the least of their problems. Compared to compulsory (and life-risking) community service, not knowing where they were going, the threat of impending doom, temptation of shiny objects, and approaching footsteps—

"Wait!"

Hearing the plaintive, feminine cry, and being the most chivalrous of the group, Kuwabara turned around to look.

The young woman—but perhaps still a child, on closer examination of her girlish features—had long dark hair. But it was more than that, as rich and exotic as ebony, and as glossy and elegant as a raven's wing. Long lashes framed eyes of red, as striking as blood and rubies, as deep as the spaces between stars. She carried herself with a sense of grace—or at least, her bow was graceful, because her sandaled feet had made echoing steps in the deserted corridor. She wore a yukata embroidered with roses, and plain pants underneath.

Suffice to say, the four detectives had not met her before, because even they would have remembered a person who merited such a detailed description.

"Hey, little girl, are you lost?"

Gazing at the male quartet, her scarlet eyes filled with tears. "No… not lost…" With a wail she launched herself at Yuusuke, wrapping slender arms around his waist, "I've been found!"

There was a moment of silence as the detectives stood frozen with dumb looks on their faces.

Now, that isn't to say they were stupid. Generally Yusuke knew quite a multitude of things. For instance, when it came to school, he knew to skip class. And when a big nasty demon attacked him, he knew to beat it up. But this situation was one he did not encounter on a regular basis, so it is quite logical that he reacted that way.

And then the girl lifted her head to look up at the punk with large, teary, adoring eyes, and proclaimed, "My half-brother!"

And, well, there really is no proper response to that.

But she was not finished. The ebony-headed female moved to Kurama, giving him another enthusiastic, emotional greeting. "My former lover!"

Still she went on, clasping Hiei's hands into her own. "Hiei! You, like I, are a Forbidden Child of the koorime!"

"And you!" Her eyes shown reverently as she approached Kuwabara. "We share the same power of our souls—the ability to form a sword of our spirit energy!"

The pause that followed this was even greater than all the others before it, a deafening silence that obliterated even the urgency of Koenma's latest mission.

"…the hell…?"

About half an hour later found the detectives standing in the same hall, in various states of "I listened", "I paid attention", and "I have no idea what you just said, but shouldn't you need to breathe more often?" The young woman rocked back and forth on her heels, bouncing excitedly.

"So lemme get this straight," Yuusuke drawled. "Waaaay before I was born, Raizen hooked up with an ice maiden, you got thrown off the glacier, then met Kurama and became lovers, and now are here to assist us on our missions." A vigorous nod was his answer, and he gave Kurama a sidelong look. "…Is this true?"

"I can't very well remember everyone I've ever had sex with, Yuusuke," came the nonchalant reply.

Kuwabara made a face. "That's more information than I needed to know."

"Hn."

The orange-haired teen shot a look at Hiei before remembering something. "Oh, yeah! Hey, you said you could make a reiken like me, right? What I wanna know, is… if you're half-toushin and half-koorime, how d'ya make a sword of human energy?"

"Uh…"

"You're slightly more observant that I gave you credit for," Hiei murmured.

"I heard that!"

Yuusuke ignored them and turned back to their visitor. "It doesn't matter how you do it, I guess, but I'd still like to see it." He grinned cheekily. "It's gotta be at least ten times more spectacular than anything we see from that doofus over there."

"Hey, I heard that too!"

"Okay, Yusuke-ototo!" Her face took on a look of childishly eager glee, as she summoned into her hand—

A long rolled-up cylinder of yellow construction paper?

Once again, there was a collective, stunned silence from the general male populace. Kurama turned to murmur inconspicuously to the others, "If she truly is a Forbidden Child as she says, she has lived a hard life. It would be best not to crush her spirit."

"Er… that's so cool!" Kuwabara exclaimed with a wide, if strained, grin.

The tantei radiated embarrassed silence as she beamed at him.

"So, ah… what'd you say your name was again—?"

"Meiri-su!" With admirable coordination, all five whipped their heads around simultaneously to stare at the approaching figure. Botan was dashing towards them, panting slightly. "There you are!"

Death became the new test victim of the detectives' latest weapon/strategy—the dumbfounded stare.

"I see you boys have met Meiri-su," she continued chipperly, ignoring the looks she was receiving, "our newest ferry girl." She patted Meiri-su's head in a fond, older-sisterly gesture. "She somehow got her hands on some of your mission reports, and now she absolutely adores all of you! Quite the enthusiastic little fan, we've been hearing about nothing else but the four of you for days—isn't she cute?"

There was no response to that revelation, either, save their by-now perfected stupefied gazes.

"Well, you better hurry up, Koenma says he's been waiting for the four of you for nearly an hour! I've got to take Meiri-su with me to get her used to her new duties, so I can't see you off. But you better come find me afterwards! Ta ta!"

The two started down the hall, the younger turning to wave enthusiastically. With the red and orange banner on the other side of the doorway, it almost appeared as if they were disappearing into the sunset.

"So… is it just me, or have we been seeing a suspicious lack of Koenma and a suspicious amount of treasure vaults since Kurama started leading?"

**…****  
Owari  
…**

_-Windswift_


End file.
